Frequently Asked Questions

Will you really call me and make monkey sounds?

Yes we will! Monkeyphonecall.com is a real business with real customers. We take great pride in what we do. Please order now!

What is a monkey phone call from you like?

Please view the example call script on the home page. It’s sort of like that, except for much weirder and awkward in real like. You’ll feel both a sense of wonder and a little bit of shame at how you forced some poor guy to call you on the phone and actually make monkey noises. Or you won’t feel any shame at all, because you are a sociopath who can only laugh at someone else’s suffering.

Do you do international calls?

At this time we only do calls to people in the United States. Besides, only red blooded Americans deserve something this awesome, damn it.

How much does it cost?

A monkey phone call costs just $12.95 each, which you will remember for a lifetime. Imagine telling your grandkids about how in the early decades of the Internet people would order monkey sounds made by people, and they liked them too!

Are you currently hiring?

You wish! We just don’t hire anyone off the street. We hand pick our monkey callers, and there is a long, long waiting list of qualified applicants. And really, you should ask yourself what’s wrong with your self esteem that you would actually want to do a job like this? Why don’t you aim higher and become a Wal-Mart greeter or something?

How will I know you made the call?

After we make the call we will email your PayPal email address a confirmation email with the day and time the phone call was made. We will also write a few words about the reaction to the monkey phone call.

How long will the phone call last?

Most monkey phone calls last under 30 seconds, but since every call is original it might go over that time, depending on the monkeyphonecall.com professional operator. Maybe that sounds short, but If you make monkey noises for too long, the recipient tends to freak out and hang up, because becomes disturbing and is no longer funny. We keep things in the “still funny” time range, because monkey noises should be fun.

Can I have you do a monkey call to a friend or loved one?

Yes we would be glad to, but if the person asks who sent the monkey call we will give them your name and email address as verified by PayPal. This is our policy and there is no way to avoid it so please don’t ask.

Sometimes we may also mention your name if the person we are calling seems confused and is acting like they might not accept the call. (“Karen has sent you a Monkey Phone Call!”) When the monkey phone call goes through, you will be sent a confirmation email that explains how the call went.

When will you call?

We will call you between 9:00AM – 6:00PM central standard time within 5 business days. Some calls might come within a few minutes, and others within the whole 5 days. It mostly depends on how hard it is to get in touch with the recipient and if we’ve appeared on a major blog or radio show again.

Some people do not answer calls where they don’t recognize the Caller ID, or are otherwise hard to reach. These people are too lame to even deserve a monkey phone call, frankly. If you’re worried about it, tell them they should be expecting a phone call soon about a gift you are sending them.

What if I’m not home?

We reserve the right to leave a voicemail message if the recipient does not answer after at least 2 attempts, but we prefer to reach the recipient in person whenever possible. We will continue to call for approximately 5 business days or around 2 attempts.

If we still can’t contact the recipient within that period, we will leave a voicemail or refund your money, at our sole discretion. You will know when your monkey phone call went through because you will get a confirmation email.

Will your monkey phone call sound like a recorded monkey sound?

No. Our monkey sounds are not prerecorded. Monkeyphonecall.com’s monkey sounds are made live at that moment by a human, just for you. And you will be able to tell it isn’t some lame recording. That’s what makes it so fun-yet-disturbing-and-weird when you order.

Do you offer refunds?

If Monkeyphonecall.com can’t get through to you or to the person who the call was ordered for within the approximate 5 business day period, we will refund your payment through PayPal. If the person who got the monkey phone call hangs up in the middle of the monkey phone call we will not offer a refund since we did make the monkey phone call.

We have no control over the person’s reaction who gets the monkey phone call. Some people are humorless dicks. That’s one of the reasons that The Monkey Business is such a rough way to make a living. You will know when the person gets the monkey phone call because you will get a confirmation email. If you never get a reply from monkeyphonecall.com please make sure your email program is set up correctly or that your Internet service provider does not filter your email.

Are any real monkeys involved with Monkeyphonecall.com? If so, are they treated fairly and given adequate breaks to hurl feces, eat fruits and insects and generally have a good time?

We are against animal labor and animal cruelty! We would never force real monkeys to work just to make a few extra bucks and avoid payroll. You will not hear a real live monkey but instead a person making a monkey noise. These sounds are not recorded, but made especially for you. We do however visit the zoo very often and listen to the monkeys there to perfect our sounds.

Is this site racist?

What kind of a question is that? You’re racist for even asking that question.